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(Even If You’ve Been Using It as Your “Release Valve” for Years) For a lot of high-performing men, especially men of color, alcohol isn’t just a drink. It’s a coping mechanism. A way to decompress. A way to silence the noise. A way to survive another day of pressure, performance, and expectations. You crush it at work. You show up for your family. You handle what most people couldn’t manage in their best season… But the truth is: Work stress is eating you alive. And alcohol became the one thing that felt like it took the edge off. Until it didn’t. The same thing you were using to “unwind” slowly became the thing that was unraveling you. Here’s the reality most never speak about: Alcohol does not relieve stress — it delays it. And then it multiplies it. If you’re here, reading this, hopefully it’s because you are tired of the cycle. You’re tired of pretending a drink is helping when deep down you know it’s costing you something bigger. The good news is that: You can handle stress without alcohol. And when you do, your performance, clarity, and peace will go to a level you have not seen in years. Let’s break this down — clearly, honestly, and without sugarcoating.

For the man who looks like he has it all together — but knows he’s slipping. So, you have built your entire life on control. You have controlled your outcomes, your image. and your success. But when it comes to alcohol… that control disappears the moment the bottle or substance enters your hand. And here’s the truth; Your life doesn’t go from control to collapse overnight. It happens slowly… quietly… invisibly. Until one day you realize you are no longer the one steering the ship — alcohol is. These are the 7 signs that the shift has already happened.

For high-achieving men ready to take back control of their life So, you have success. The business, the career, the income, the reputation. On paper, you look great. You’re winning. But behind closed doors, it’s a different story. You’re fighting a battle no one sees, one against alcohol, guilt, and control. Let’s be real, brother; success means nothing if you’re secretly losing the war within yourself. If you’re reading this, I am sure you already feel the pull. You know it’s time to make a change. But you may be struggling with how and where do you start? Here are 5 things every man must do to begin his sober journey — written for the high-achieving man who’s tired of the cycle and ready to take back control of his life.

For many high-achieving men of color, success has always been tied to survival. We were taught early on that strength means handing everything on our own, no excuses, no weakness, no help. Whether it was on the block, at home, or in the office, we learned that vulnerability could be extremely dangerous. So, we built armor. We became the providers, problem solvers, and the guy everyone goes to. On the outside it looks like we have it all together. But on the inside, its often pressure, exhaustion, depression, and pain that we feel, and it never gets spoken aloud. That’s where the addiction sneaks in. 

“For the high achiever secretly suffering with an addiction, the real achievement is asking for help" The Hidden Crisis No One Talks About Let me ask you a question… When you picture someone battling addiction, do you see a man in a tailored suit? A father, an entrepreneur, a CEO? Someone who’s built success, power, wealth… but feels like he’s drowning behind closed doors?

“The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves—because we actually believe them.” ~ Anonymous Hey My Brother, Let’s cut through the noise and stop pretending. You’ve lied to everyone else long enough. Your wife. Your kids. Your colleagues. Your friends. But the most dangerous lie of all? The one you keep telling yourself : 

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?" ~ Martin Luther King Jr. Hey Sober Family, I want to take a moment to say something simple, but powerful: Thank you! Whether you’re in recovery or not, your support of this community—and of me—means more than you know. By reading and sharing my newsletters and emails to the men in your life who may be silently struggling with addiction.... you are making a difference. The work I do isn't just about sobriety. It's about saving lives, marriages, families, careers and legacies. Now let me be direct, YOU may not need my help , but I promise you-- you know a man who does . He's got the house, the title, the income. From the outside, it looks like he's winning, has it all together, but behind closed doors, when no one is around to see, he's losing the battle, silently. He's lying to his wife. Hiding liquor bottles in the closets Drinking in the morning before work His career is spiraling out of control because he is not closing deals. Drowning in shame, exhaustion, and regret And no one is saying a word......because he's a "high achiever". He's respected, and maybe even feared. His people are scared to say anything to him for the way he may react. But he's breaking, and fast.

"Before you Judge me, make sure you're Perfect" ~ Hey Sober Family, If you’re a man—especially a man of color—in early sobriety, chances are you’ve felt or are feeling the weight of stigma and judgment. Whether it’s from society, your community, or even your own family, the labels and assumptions placed on you because of your struggles with addiction can feel heavy and deeply painful. People may look down on you, whisper behind your back, call you names like "alcoholic," "addict," "loser," or question your manhood. They say things like, “Why doesn’t he just quit?” or “What’s the big deal?” It hurts. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve been judged, labeled, and dismissed—all because I had a problem with alcohol. And even when I was working hard to get sober, the judgment didn’t stop. But here’s what I learned: You are not your past, and you are definitely not anyone else’s opinion of you.