Why High-Performing Men of Color Struggle to Ask for Help and How to Change That

For many high-achieving men of color, success has always been tied to survival. We were taught early on that strength means handing everything on our own, no excuses, no weakness, no help. Whether it was on the block, at home, or in the office, we learned that vulnerability could be extremely dangerous. 

 So, we built armor. We became the providers, problem solvers, and the guy everyone goes to. On the outside it looks like we have it all together. But on the inside, its often pressure, exhaustion, depression, and pain that we feel, and it never gets spoken aloud. That’s where the addiction sneaks in. 



High-performing men often drink or use drugs because it becomes the one place they do not have to perform. It serves as an escape from having to constantly be “on.” The drink becomes a reward for holding it all together. But over time that drink starts controlling you. 

 Then the cracks start showing, the missed deadlines at work, coming in late, the mood swings, the isolation. Now you live in fear that you may be found out. The thought of admitting you need help feels like a risk you just can’t take. What about your reputation, your career, your image, and yo

 can’t admit you have an alcohol or drug addiction. No way! 

 So, you keep it hidden. You white-knuckle it, promising yourself that you will stop tomorrow, or next Monday after one more weekend of getting blasted. You keep telling yourself you’ve got it all under control. But that’s all a lie. Trying to convince yourself that you are in control when you are actively using, is like trying to outrun your shadow.

The Cultural Weight We Carry

For men of color the pressure runs even deeper. We carry generations of messages about toughness, pride, and silence. 

“Don't cry” 

“Handle it like a man” 

“Don’t show any weakness” 

“What happens at home stays at home” 

 We learned to suppress pain and not process it. We learned to push through instead of reaching out. And in doing so, we’ve mistaken silence for strength. 

 Brother’s listen to me closely; real strength isn’t about hiding your pain. True strength is having the courage to face what’s been breaking you down and choosing healing instead of hiding. 



How to Start Changing That:

1. Redefine Strength. 

Asking for help is not weak, it’s actually a great strategy. The most powerful men on earth have coaches, mentors, and advisors. Why? Because they understand that clarity, accountability, and support make them stronger, not weaker. 



2. Tell One Truth.

You don’t have to tell the world about the issues you are having with your addiction. Just tell one trusted person. A Recovery Coach, a therapist, or a friend. That single act breaks the illusion that you are in this alone. 



3. Let Go of Image. 

The mask you are wearing to protect your image is also suffocating you. The funny thing is that people don’t connect with perfection, but for some reason we feel that we must be perfect. People (people who are worthy of being in your life, anyway) connect with honesty. Stop pretending and you will feel free. 



4. Remember your “Why.” 

You have already proven that you can achieve. Now it’s time to prove you can heal. The life waiting for you on the other side of addiction is one built on purpose, peace, and presence, not performance. 

So, to my high-achieving, high-performing brothers out there, you don’t have to carry this weight alone. You have carried your family, your business, your community, now it's time to carry yourself to a sober life and back to who you were before the addiction took over. 

Remember, the moment you ask for help, you don’t lose control, you regain it!